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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Fear of writing...

A part of today's lessons was to write about fear. Here are some fears I have about writing:

Writing the truth will be harmful or upsetting to others.

My writings are sometimes exposing parts of my inner self that I may not want to have exposed to others.

I will be criticized: for my thoughts; for spending time writing rather than doing things that others may feel are more important; for putting so much energy I may not have a real talent for; I'm sure there are others...

Fear of embarrassment

An old fear connected with my father: You're not good enough! (a voice I hear)

Fear of failure - (failing what... or whom?)

Fear that my love of writing and poetry will be seen as non-masculine

Stage fright: having to read my writings to others

Fear that I may not write well or properly - grammatically or the use of proper English

Fear that I may not meet others' needs - or that they perceive I am not meeting them (desires rather than true needs)

I have had these fears for a long time. It has kept me from exposing my writings to others for more than 20 years! The good news is that I seem to be working through this. I've noticed this in the last couple of months. My behavioral changes indicate this. Joining this wonderful writing class is one. Finally going to a poetry Meetup group last week and actually reading my work was another - I have belonged to this group as a "lurker" for more than four years! I am also more protective of my writing time. This is a big one. Why should I have to put this aside for others' desires? I understand that some things that others need may occasionally take precedence by necessity. But not always.

It feels good to be working through these fears and advocating for myself when it's the right thing to do rather than always putting others first. I am comfortable with the fact that I do a lot of positive things for others. It may not always be what they would like from me, but attempting balance while still trying to meet all of our wants and needs is a perpetual - but it's worth it.


  1. Michael,
    Thanks for being brave and sharing your fears. I'm sure many of us will resonate with them. Know that this just makes you more human and thus more endearing.

    I hope writing them down and sharing them has helped them diminish, even just a little bit!

    So glad you're in the class and gaining momentum on your poetry!

  2. It is all just spilling out onto the page. Such power, such a fear buster!

  3. Michael, wow! It takes guts to share all your fears out in the open. Thanks for sharing! A couple of them hit home! It's great to get older and free ourselves of some of these demons that have followed us for a long time.

    Thank you for commenting on my blog. I responded but I'm not sure if you know when I do. So, thanks!

  4. I'm not sure it's guts Dora... more like temporary insanity? Thanks for the note. Was good chatting as a group today on the conference call.